Oxygen is Overrated

One of the things you have to both love and hate about places like Estes Park, Colorado, is how kitchy-touristy it all is. Estes Park is the gateway to Rocky Mountain National Park, and at 7,800 ft. the one true tourist items seemingly everywhere is a t-shirt emblazoned with what must be the town motto, “oxygen is overrated.”

All roads westward from Estes Park lead to the mountains. And for a $10 motorbike entrance fee you can experience a glorious road called the “Trail Ridge Road,” that fully lives up to its name. The road climbs and climbs and climbs, you almost hear a voice in your head say, “the Captain has turned off the seatbelt sign, so you’re free to move about the cabin.” And the road offers up more twisties than you can almost imagine.

This is not a road build for speed, however. The scenery is so spectacular that motorbikers and motorists alike will be craning their necks to take in the vistas, watching the road is a definite afterthought – so speed is not recommended. Even in July, the weather at the top of the world is decidedly windy and a cold 50 degrees. The ridge road tops out at about 12,200 ft., well above the tree-line. There are parts of the road that really feel tilty, like you’re about to tip over and go a-tumblin’ down. And, boy is the air thin. Thankfully, the R1200GS, like all newer oil-head beemers, is equipped with computer-controlled fuel injection, so the bike automatically adjusts for the lack of Oh-Two in the atmosphere, and so the bike never falters.

The rider, on the other hand, should be reminded to breathe in-and-out, try not to death-grip the handlebar, and pay no attention to that pounding pulse you feel in your temples – it’ll pass when you get back down below 10,000 ft. The GS dualsport proves its worth once again as the road from Timber Creek to Grand Lake is under construction and reduced to loose gravel, torn up asphalt and base-course. The street-knobby Metzeler Tourance tires bite right in and never miss a beat. Grand Lake really is grand – even zooming by at 55 mph.

Other nearby roads to recommend: Colorado 125 that connects Granby – on the western side of RM National Park – with Walden. It travels through the Arapaho National Forest and is just a blast. Another is Wyoming 789/US20 north out of Riverton. This road leads into Thermopolis, Wyoming, dropping into the Big Horn River Canyon – a surprise bit of beautiful, majestic topography in an otherwise flat, unadorned landscape. Not to be missed.

So, take a deep breath. Then another. Air Traffic control has given you go-ahead to throttle-up your motorbike and climb to flight-level One-Two Thousand at Rocky Mountain National Park.

Sometimes You Forget

Sometimes you forget how truly beautiful America is, particularly the Rocky Mountain southwest.  Sometimes you forget how much fun it is to be out on the motorbike, especially when it’s been a year or longer since the last big tour.  Sometimes you forget that there’s an America away from the Interstate.  Sometimes you forget that the people of that America are, well, nice.

Take Fairplay, Colorado for example.  Just a tad more than 300 miles straight north of home-base, Santa Fe, New Mexico, Fairplay is located on US285 – which also happens to run right through the City Different.  It’s a hardscrabble 

little town nestled in a wide, expansive valley, surrounded by peaks still dusted with snow in July and bereft of vegetation – as they all tower more than 11,000 ft. – the arborist’s dreaded tree-line.

Seeking a place to rest for the night you may want to try the tiny local U.S. Forest Service office, located right at the town’s main crossroads.  First thing you’ll notice is the welcomi

ng “I really want to help you” smile fromthe young woman behind the counter.  This is not a forced “corporate performance measure” smile – sometimes you forget that there’s a difference between a smile that’s part of an employee’s job and a smile that’s genuine.

The Forest Service maintains two idyllic (except for the mosquitoes) campgrounds near Fairplay, Horseshoe and Four Mile.  The Ranger is

actually camped out at the entrance to Horseshoe and also smiles a genuine smile, and is dedicated to finding campers a place to set up for the night.  When the campgrounds fill up, people are not turned away – instead the Ranger creates a makeshift little village of tents in a nearby grassy field usually used to park vehicles during firewood collection season.

The campsites are well groomed and the Forest Service restroom is typically as clean as a whistle.  The whole camping experience is very nearly perfect, but the ultra-aggressive, dive-bombing, Colorado Attack Skeeter very nearly ruins the experience.  Bring DEET.

Sometimes you forget how much fun it is to steadfastly avoid Fast Food America and resolve to seek out, whenever possible, those little mom-and-pop eating establishments. (Full disclosure, this blog was written in a Barnes & Noble Starbucks Café. Hey! Nobody’s perfect).  In Fairplay, it’s the Brown Burro restaurant, espresso bar and ice cream parlor.

The Brown Burro serves all meals, including a delicious breakfast.  If you are one of those who believe that hot food should be hot, then sit at the little four-place counter in front, and more than likely the owner, George Davis, will personally hand you your plate right out of the kitchen window.  As you gather up your helmet and motorbike jacket, don’t be surprised if each and every employee – including George – says something like, “have a great ride today,” and “please be careful and ride safely,” and, you know, they really mean it. 

Fairplay is steeped in the Old West.  The town itself looks like most of it was built around the

turn of the last century.  If you like your Old West towns to look a set from an old John Ford movie, then a visit to the 1880s restored mining town and museum, South Park City, is a must.  It’s located right in Fairplay – and though it might be a little rough around the edges and a bit cliché, a couple from Iowa with three very active youngsters said the kids loved it.

So here’s to remembering – Colorado is gorgeous, the people – in Fairplay at least – are warm and welcoming.  And the motorbike is just a fabulous way to take it all in.

An Italian voice for the quiet German

BMW motorcycles are not noisy. They do not roar. There’s no ear-splitting blap-blap-blap or potato-potato-potato rumble at stoplights or through the first gears. BMW riders have no reason to rev the engine while idling like so many other bikers who seem to need to say “I Am Here” with a loud blast of engine noise while waiting for a green light.

BMW motorbike engineers clearly seek to delight many senses, but the ear is not one of them.

There are times when a BMW motorbike needs to be loud. When the inattentive or distracted driver begins to lane-drift, power-brake, or red-light-run, a good loud motorbike horn can snap them back to reality, and just maybe, keep them from squishing you.

BMWs of the past came stock with a really loud, deep-throated horn. The 1984 R100RS that was once the “dream bike” had a Fiamm horn that really got the job done.

Today’s BMWs, sadly, are delivered new with a tinny, weak squeaking high-pitched horn made in Spain by Bosch. It’s a horn that works, and given the reputation of BMW designers, was certainly tested and proven to be just loud enough to get attention without startling, and tuned to an optimized pitch that properly informs an offending roadway inhabitant without overtly insulting them.

Right. When a driver more focused on a cell-phone than a rear-view-mirror begins to seriously invade your lanespace you want to startle and insult with quick short-long-short blasts of sound that unmistakably say, “Hello! There’s a motorbike over here! Hello!”

One of the great things about the Aerostich catalog, besides being an excellent addition to the porcelain library because of its hilarious product descriptions, is its utility at traditional times of gift giving. Little blue “post its” easily inform caring family members of ideal motorbike necessities suitable for birthdays, father’s day, and the granddaddy of gifting, Santa's Winter Holiday.

Aerostich offers a couple of aftermarket horns. But the obvious choice is called the “Ear Cannon,” described by the Aerostich writers as “The loudest motorcycle horn available. If Ethel Merman, Sam Kinison and John Philip Sousa ever had a band, and played through a wall-of-sound amp rack, it would sound like this.” Getting an Ear Cannon in a brightly wrapped box under a decorated pine tree while the world is a snow-covered, motorbike-unfriendly place is truly a message of hope and springtime.

The “Ear Cannon” is actually a dual tone air horn made in Italy by Stebel. It’s sold by a wide variety of retailers and even comes in a chrome model for those who want a little bling. The horn comes with a relay, but is not supplied with adequate instructions for either wiring or mounting. And by comparison to the stock horn it’s big – so it’s not clear where the thing can be mounted on a modern, compactly designed BMW.

So a mounting kit is essential. Turns out, one of the best kits is made by a small company called Excel Cycle. The kit comes with everything you need to both mount and wire up the Stebel horn, including instructions. A superbly machined spacer is mounted on the same bolt as the stock horn. Then an angled steel bracket easily attaches to the spacer, providing a perfect place to mount the horn and bolt it in tight right between the front forks without interfering with them.

The kit comes with everything you need to wire into the original horn’s power source and hook it up to the relay, fuse, and battery. Both the relay and fuse holder tuck away nicely behind the t-bracket used to hold the owner’s manual.

The Stebel horn is very loud. Is it Ethel Merman, wall-of-sound loud? Well, no, even though the Aerostich description is entertaining, like most of advertising, it’s only accurate enough to make a sale.

The real proof is the startle effect, but how to achieve an accurate test result? Let's face it, you can’t just pull up beside an unsuspecting morning commuter and blast your horn just to see if the poor soul will jump out of their skin. It’s also no fun to wait for an actual road emergency to conduct the test. Luckily, one recent morning an opportunity presented itself.

As an unsuspecting co-worker sedately motored his way to work, a newly Stebel accessorized R1200GS pulled alongside, and as a way to just say “hi” gave the driver two short samples of the Stebel’s Vocce Italiano. With a sincere apology, let’s just say that the “startle effect” was profound. Honestly, the motorbike is usually very quiet.

Daddy of ‘em all

No doubt about it, Wyoming is an iconic place. There’s the profile of a proud buffalo on the state flag. There are the geologic icons of the Old Faithful geyser in Yellowstone Park and Devil’s Tower of Close Encounters movie fame. And of course the Bucking Bronc, that silhouette on Wyoming license plates and symbol of the University of Wyoming cowboys.

That Bucking Bronc is also the primary icon of Cheyenne’s yearly blowout event, Frontier Days. Begun in 1897 – when it was just a one-day event to race ranch horses – it now runs the last full 10 days of every July, and is billed as the largest outdoor rodeo in North America, a claim also made by the Calgary Stampede in Canada.

Of course the rodeo is the main event, but Frontier Days is so much more, like a state fair on steroids. For the people of Cheyenne, who refer to this time of year as “CFD,” it's all about parking cars in your yard, hosting out-of-town visitors, or volunteering to help with the show.

CFD actually employs only 13 paid staff. The events at Frontier Park every July are managed by a small army of volunteer workers, some 2,500 of them, organized into committees who handle tickets, rodeo competitors, and Public Relations, to name a few.

Like the other two big-name rodeos – that one in Canada and the National Finals Rodeo in Las Vegas – CFD has PR problems. Seems that animal rights activists swarm all over these events with cameras and note pads just waiting for an animal to be injured or otherwise harmed so that more evidence for the elimination of all rodeos can be gathered.

So the folks at CFD really stress animal safety. During a “behind the chutes” tour, visitors get to see how the animals are gathered, kept, fed, and handled during the rodeo. No one promises that animals won’t be injured, but they do promise that it will not be on purpose. Oddly enough, they don’t talk much about cowboy safety, except to point out the large memorial to those who have “fallen” at the rodeo.

When asked about how the bulls are made to buck, the tour guide explains that a leather strap is tied around the bull’s – uh, hmm, private parts – but that this is not harmful, more like squeezing into a “too tight pair of underpants," oh daddy!

Speakin' of which, they call CFD the “Daddy of ‘em all” because all modern rodeo is, more or less, patterned after CFD. The Cheyenne Chute, another icon of the west, that big ol’ swinging gate that almost instantly opens wide to free the bucking bronc or brahma bull, is an invention of CFD.

For CFD’s estimated 500,000 attendees, there’s the rodeo, nightly music concerts that feature big-name acts, and a huge carnival midway filled with the screams of thrill-riding teens and the ubiquitous odors of cotton candy and caramel corn. Frontier Park also features old west demonstrations like the Chuckwagon Cookoff and the Indian Village that includes living quarters for the Native Americans who operate the village in authentic Tee Pees.

For the last 52 years another tradition of CFD has been the Old Fashioned Melodrama. This is a frontier style show that pits good vs. evil in the simplest terms – the audience “boos” the villain, “cheers” the hero, and “ahhhs” the damsel in distress. The play’s acts are punctuated by interludes of old-timey singing and can-can dancing.

The 2008 version of the melodrama is held in the historic Atlas Theater in downtown Cheyenne. The theater dates to 1908, making this its 100th year. The melodrama, like much of CFD is all-volunteer. The show, titled, “The Rhyming Rapscallion” stars Tallen Handsome as the hero and Dirk Degenerate as the villain, and features a literary twist where Tallen’s young, effeminate, poetry-loving son, Hardly, is tempted by evil and nearly joins the dark side before coming to his senses and conquering the villain through prose. The play is very funny and cleverly written, blasting away at stereotypes with gender-bending characters and a hero in pink coveralls.

If you like rodeo, big-time country music, ferris wheels and roller coasters, old west nostalgia, BBQ, and beer, CFD is a once-in-a-lifetime definite. You may have such a good time that you’ll want to become a regular.